CHILDREN LOVE ME AND IT’S THE WORST
I hate children, with their mucus-spilling faces, and their vacant, concussed-style questioning.
Category: Lifestyle
WITH NO MEDICINE AFTER BREXIT, WHAT WILL WE USE?
I’ve come up with a list of anaesthetic drugs we might be without, and some “alternatives” that might be considered.
AS A MILLENNIAL I CAN NEVER USE BLU TACK
I am at peace with never owning a house, but is it too much to ask that I could put up a poster?
A PUBLIC CRY FOR MORE CRYING IN PUBLIC
Our cultural emotional capacity is synonymous with Olivia Colman’s ‘nervous raspberry’.
TWITTER HAS PUT ME OFF SEX FOREVER
What didn’t I ask to see beamed into my eyeballs? A close-up of Davidson’s tongue entering Beckinsale’s mouth.
HOW TO FLEX ON THE ‘GRAM WHEN YOU EAT BEANS FROM THE CAN
Make your life look like a perfect dream. Even if it is a living hell!
HOW TO HANDLE IMPOSTOR SYNDROME
Your first job is a hotbed of opportunities to feel like an inadequate, under-qualified phoney.
HOW TO UP YOUR TEXT GAME
Bolt the front door, draw the curtains and get peeping at these hot tips that’ll turn you into a keyboard Casanova.
HOW TO HAVE SEX IN YOUR PARENTS’ HOUSE
Sharing a bedroom wall with your mum is a great excuse to give up on faking orgasms.
HOW TO HANDLE ADULT FRIENDSHIP
In the early days of adulthood, it’s both wise and entertaining to quadruple your life experience by sharing your friends’ pains and successes.