John Humphrys, host of Radio 4’s Today Programme, has found himself in hot water this week for saying that women are better than men at looking after babies. Discussing the new rules about gender stereotyping in TV adverts, he said, “A woman looking after a baby is, by any estimate, a very, very good and desirable thing for society.”

He continued, because no one was allowed to shove a sock in his mouth, “And by and large, and this is – maybe I will be attacked for this – but by and large they do a better job of it than men, at least in most of our experience, I would have thought.”

Humphrys has been attacked, not by mothers on the verge of a nervous breakdown slinging dirty nappies at him, but by social media users and journalists, arguing his assumption enforces sexist stereotypes.

Woman with baby thinking, “I remember when I used to go outside”

But dears, the harsh reality is this. There are some things that women are better at doing than men. And it is a COMPLETE coincidence that these just HAPPEN to be boring, thankless tasks that men have no interest in doing. Complete coincidence. Just like men are better at some things – handling the money, downing pints, running the world – women also have their strong points. Here are just a few things that us ladies are, completely coincidentally, absolutely amazing at:

1. Changing nappies full of disgusting shit!

2. Giving blowjobs! You’re absolutely great at it babe! Do it more often. Make sure you practice. Once a day at least. Twice if it’s someone’s birthday. Don’t let that immense talent go to waste.

3. Washing dishes! Men will just break them – chuck them at walls like it’s a Greek wedding. But you on the other hand, darling, you just have the knack. The way you smear the Fairy Liquid around. Oscar worthy.

4. Emotional support! Yes it’s draining, and requires you to put your needs and desires second, but what can I say? You’re a born therapist. He envies your selflessness, your insight, your loyalty. He’d offer you the same if he could, but, you see, he can’t. It’s just not in his nature.

5. Putting your career on hold to raise his family! Chicas, he’s just no good at putting his career on hold to raise his family. But for you it just comes easy. It’s a treat really. Not having to do awful things like getting the tube and sitting at a desk – instead you get to care for a non-verbal demon 24/7, feeling claustrophobic, exhausted and unfulfilled! But remember, he’s just rubbish at feeling unfulfilled!

We all have our talents. And, I cannot stress this enough, it is a COMPLETE COINCIDENCE that women’s talents could also fit into a category called “things men really don’t want to do”.

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